what if everything’s fine?
“You’re not where you want to be, you feel like you’re supposed to be somewhere else…well, say you could snap your fingers and be wherever you wanted to be, I’d bet you’d still feel this way — not in the right place. The point is you can’t get so hung up on where you’d rather be that you forget how to make the most of where you are…take a break from worrying about what you can’t control…live a little.”
— Passengers (2016)
I’ve been loving short films on YouTube recently, and I watched one the other day with this quote as the theme of it. I have yet, however, to see this film, Passengers, itself, which I now plan to in the very near future.
When I heard this quote, I realized just how much I’ve fallen out of love with life.
How much of my time has been spent obsessing about worries, anxieties, and fear, allowing it to become my life entirely.
Personally, I don’t like surprises or being surprised…unless, of course, it’s anticipated, such as the kind of surprises you get around your birthday.
Unexpected surprises are far too jolting for my already sensitive nervous system, therefore I burry myself in worry, living through an illusion of control towards the future, finding transparent comfort, while forfeiting presence in hopes of keeping an unpredictable future at bay.
When I came across this jarring quote itself, I started thinking, hypothetically, what if everything’s fine?
And that alone being the beginning and end of everything, no need to know or understand why everything is fine, nor figure out why, it just is.
What if everything’s fine?
I’ve been writing lately about hope and putting these hopes into action to give them a greater chance at blossoming, and I recently came to the fruition that I omitted the act in which you give time and space for growth to take place entirely.
The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.
— Fabienne Fredrickson
In between planting, pruning, watering and absorbing sunlight (which I’ll be writing more in detail soon!), there is the necessity of space — the place in which life begins to thrive, both in our gardens and within ourselves.
I asked myself, what would I be doing if everything was fine?
I made a list of places I’ve been wanting to go and experiences I’ve wanted to live, such as visiting certain coffee shops and watercoloring instead of writing, teaching myself how to sew, starting a polaroid scrapbook, refining my pottery skills, and going wine tasting…in a sum the answer was clear: everything I’ve always wanted to do, but never gave a chance to.
All of my worry, anxieties, and fear robbed me of any energy I had left within myself to be curious of life…to build a friendship with it at all.
Recently, I’ve been sketching each morning by my opened bedroom window against the sound of soft-spoken early birds, a subtle breeze carrying the remnants of warm sunlight, and iced coffee.
It’s motivated me to take my drawings and paint out for a date over an iced matcha and pastry.
It’s also, alone, calmed the storm within my mind; therapeutic doesn’t even begin to describe…
I noticed that when you act as if everything is fine, everything will, inherently be fine.
