Take Off Your Shoes Before Coming Back In
You know that saying that’s all “try putting yourself in their shoes”? Well, this is kind of like that, but in this scenario, everyone is barefoot. I saw this video of an interrogation tape; which, by the way was shown to me in my psychology class, I don’t randomly look up interrogation tapes on my free time, but to be honest, wouldn’t be opposed to it from what I have learned from this one I have seen. Anyways, first, I was shown the viewpoint of the detective (interrogator) with the camera facing the alleged “suspect.” Watching the suspect be questioned and seeing his gestures, movements, and tone of voice, it was obvious that he was guilty…or was he? I was then shown a different camera angle from the “suspect’s” point of view looking at the detective. Seeing from this side, it was easy to see that the detective was being very forceful, pushy, and intimidating to the accused man. This made the “suspect” nervous and come off as “guilty,” so the detective became more forceful and intimidating to attempt to get the man confess to something he didn’t even do. Most interrogation tapes are like the first option, where the camera if pointed at the “suspect,” so when outside parties come together to determine whether they are guilty or not, they only see one side, and more often than not, come to the conclusion that the person is guilty seeing the way they are acting, but they never get the chance to see the opposing view. In New Zealand, it has been made a law to have interrogation tapes showing both the detective & suspect in the tape for this reason.
As humans, we are often drawn to things that stand out. If me & 9 other people were all in a circle, & I clapped my hands, everyone would look at me (AKA: my biggest nightmare!) But, it would be because I’m in your viewpoint of being “different” & “standing out” from the crowd in that moment. Such as in the interrogation tapes, the “suspect” stands out being in the viewpoint as such. The same thing goes for predicaments, arguments, etc. When we are in such situations, the thing that stands out in those moments are the other person that we are arguing with. So, we often come to the conclusion that they are the ones that are “wrong”/”guilty.” In the heat of a moment like this, we don’t really think, we just feel & talk from our emotions. We don’t see that we are becoming more angry causing the other to shut down, & then coming to the conclusion that they are definitely in the wrong. But how do we know for sure?
Yea, we can take a step back for a moment & think what it would be like to be in there shoes for that time. This is difficult, though, because people will hesitate to do so because they feel that it would mean they, themselves, are wrong, and who wants to be wrong in an argument? Also, with this, (if you can successfully see their viewpoint without hesitation), we often forget our own viewpoint still matters too. It’s important to see both sides from all angles. Just because you open yourself up to another viewpoint on something, doesn’t mean you are wrong. But, just because you decide to firmly stand by your viewpoint, doesn’t make you in the right either.
I know that, in the heat of an argument it’s difficult to slow your emotions down to stop & think about this, but once the holes are punched in the walls, the china plates are all smashed, & the dog ran away, take some time to slow down (away from the other!) Take off your shoes (metaphorically, of course…& maybe you are physically wearing shoes that are too tight which made you more angry earlier, you can take those off too.) Just as a New Zealand interrogation tape, try to see the situation from the outside. Analyze and be open to seeing your behavior & gestures towards them, as well as theirs towards you. Now that I think of it, it’s also kind of like “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” But this time, what came first, them confessing they ate the last donut, or you screaming louder to scare them into confessing they did?
