Physically, I Am Dead.
December Reflection:
I’ve contemplated whether I should make this post a “year reflection” or just December. After a few days of going back & fourth in my head, as I so often do, a “year reflection” or something similar will partake in another post here soon! Also as usual, I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s just begin with December. To be frank, out of the entire year of 2020, December was my worst month. I am doing better now, though, & have realized it was my own fault…
• I mentioned in my November reflection that I was struggling a bit with my mental health towards the end. Little did I know, that was just the beginning. I stayed in my head a majority of December & my mental health plummeted. It even got to the point of contemplating the idea of revisiting a mental health facility. I decided not, though, because I have picked myself up from an even worse state of mind, so I could do it time & time again. It just took some time…Since I did stay in my head more often than not, I realized that the hours turned to days, then into weeks in a blink. I wasn’t really aware of my surroundings or what was happening in the physical world. I felt dead. My physical body did daily activities & conversated as usual, but at the end of each day, I’d look back & it’d feel like the whole day was just a dream. I wouldn’t remember how I felt in those moments or even what was said to me or if something happened. Once I noticed this, I settled on being more aware of the physical world & not the imaginary one in my head. This definitely helped dig myself out of my mental hiccup. With this, I also come to countless other realizations of myself, others, & my/the world. More on this in another blog post.*
• I have been working on writing a fictional novel since January. In the beginning, it was great, but slowly waned into mediocre work. I have mentioned that I changed it into a screenplay & look forward to making it into a movie within the near future. It took me about 9 months to write roughly 70 pages of mediocracy. But, within 2 weeks of writing the screenplay [outline], I had finished a (somewhat) polished script I was proud of. All I’m saying is…there’s more than one way to do things, be creative, & see things. Don’t give up just because you hit a dead end.
• I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m not the type to talk religion or politics, or anything else majorly controversial, so I’m just leaving that be. But, in my entire life, I had never celebrated Christmas. Never had a Christmas tree, never been given a real Christmas present, & never decorated my home with Christmas lights. Usually around this holiday, I get immense FOMO & don’t feel the best about myself. Last year, I decided enough was enough. So, this year, I bought myself a small Christmas tree & decorated it [in November] & left it up for about 2 months. I bought my family gifts & placed them by the tree, & baked cookies as well. Usually people experience their first Christmas by the age of 1, but me, I am happy to report after 23 years of life, I experienced my first Christmas.
• A discovery: cut tulips don’t last long.
• I saw this super cutie necklace on Instagram in the beginning of December. It was gold blocks with diamond studded letters on them. The store charged per bead & since my name is 7 letters, the total came up to roughly $65!! Then, I found it again from another Instagram store for around $80…But wait! There’s more! Just kidding, I found the beads for less than $3 a piece on Etsy & made the necklace myself for $25. I also have this white purse & the first time I saw it, it was almost $100 (or actually maybe it was $50…I don’t remember, just know it was ridiculously priced.) I was so close to buying it…to my rescue, I found it on Shein for $20. I can’t stress this enough, DO YOUR RESEARCH! Nowadays, people just want your money, learn to be smart about & protect yours.
• Another discovery: I am obsessed with teriyaki sauce. Quick & simple [& delicious] lunch/dinner recipe that I’ve been making almost weekly now: Dice & boil 1 (or 2, depending on how much chicken you’d like) frozen chicken tender. Boil about a cup of broccoli, then chop into smaller pieces. Boil top ramen noodles. Drain & mix all together, top with carrot shred, then drizzle teriyaki sauce on top. P.S.** this is suitable for a single person. 10/10 recommend!
• I actually started writing my official screenplay since I’ve finished the outline. I am happy to report that it is coming along well!…now. At first, I struggled with the outline, literally it took about 2 hours trying to format 1 page. But, I can’t stress enough how excited I am for it!!
• Something random (x2): 1) I will be posting (or attempting to) post a blog twice a week now…let’s see how this goes. 2) I have been starting to learn Swedish (Svenska) & so far love it.
• I’d say the last week of December, things began to turn around & enlighten. Went on a hike, out for breakfast, made tamales, & had a good New Year’s Eve. Though, most of December wasn’t too amazing, it helped open my eyes to countless things which I will soon share. And I know that whatever this year has in store, I will be ready.
