Life Update III
Towards the middle/end of last year, I would do “monthly life updates,” but had put that to the back of the topic box since. I noticed that my blog has mainly been about self-help or some sort of knowledge. Though, I love writing about self-help & sharing my experiences, I decided I want to make my blog more personal as well. I feel like as people, we often misjudge one another due to one specific thing. Social media is a way of misconstruing who someone is & I want to be more open & real with who I am aside from the person I may or may not be portrayed as on social media. So, to start this new era of blogging: A life update that nobody asked for:
• The day has finally come that I can proudly say that my screenplay, “What We Want” is entirely edited and polished. Well, as polished as it can be in my eyes anyways. I’ll be honest, the main thing I hate about writing is the endless editing. Towards the end, I get so tired of reading my words over & over and it makes me anxious, & I start to spiral “knowing” I missed something that’s wrong, so I have to read it again…and again. But, I tried to remind myself that our struggles will be the moments in our lives that stand out to us, not actually getting to the top of the mountain, so that helped me kind of stay sane a bit while editing for the 10th & 11th time. Throughout the last few weeks of editing, I had a spark of inspiration for a couple more screenplay ideas. When I tell you my brain never stops, that’s an understatement. It made me even more anxious, so I decided to do the opposite of giving into my angst, & take a week off of writing (not including my blog & prose.) All of my focus for a long time had been on this script & lost the focus on other things I enjoyed, so I have been taking this “break” to refocus myself on those things. This morning, I practiced & refreshed my mind of French & Swedish. It felt good. I started Swedish briefly (at the start of writing my script) & hadn’t made it any further than the basics, so I’m hoping to learn more and strengthen my French here soon! I also have this book called “Do Something Everyday That Inspires You.” It’s a fun activity book that I would write in daily for a long time beginning last May. For a while, though, I had stopped that as well. I bought another activity book similar to it over the weekend called “1 Page At A Time.” Definitely recommend both. I took the time this morning to fill out a couple pages in both while I enjoyed the morning instead of allowing my spinning thoughts to force me on my computer the moment I woke.
• I have been reading this book called “You Are Not So Smart.” I am 2 chapters away from being done. I don’t want to give away too much, but plan on talking more about it into detail when I finished & have a full overall idea of the context.
• I may or may not be planning on writing a self-help book…just thinking out loud, though.
• I went to Trader Joe’s to shop for the first time &…I am obsessed. It’s weird because it’s a small store, but they have so much to offer. I bought this almond milk that is lavender +blueberry flavored…amazing! I also got these beet crackers that I literally cannot stop eating.
• I had a breakdown about a week ago now because I was living on social media. Not physically glued to my phone, but mentally. It messed me up a bit, more on this in a upcoming blog post.
• I love sci-fi fantasy movies, it is my new favorite genre. Recently saw “Red Eye” & was not expecting a twist that happened. Overall, I give it a 8/10.
• I hate writing cover letters. I do. I can’t deny. But, here’s to hoping “What We Want” lands into a producer’s or director’s lap soon!
• I’m not really a “show” person. The only show I really ever watch is Jersey Shore Family Vacation. I know, out of all of the shows, I would pick that one. BUT, I saw this show yesterday called “How It Really Happened.” I was instantly intrigued because they were talking about the death of Heath Ledgar. One of my favorite actors of all time. They talked about how he loved acting & his craft. But, wasn’t the biggest fan of the fame & attention. It showed how he was always anxious & uncomfortable in interviews & around paparazzi, it was heartbreaking. You could read it in his eyes that in those moments of being interviewed or on a red carpet, he was not happy or comfortable. Paparazzi had followed him everywhere, privacy was nonexistent for him. They even popped out of places to catch him & sprayed him with a squirt gun. Before filming for “The Dark Knight,” he had a notebook that he would write in about the Joker & how he envisioned him & how he would portray him. The last words in the notebook were “Bye, bye.” Some of the people that were interviewed about speculation on this say that it could mean the end of the movie. I don’t see it that way, though. Yes, it could go either way, but Ledgar also had a mental history of not sleeping, & his mind just going & going. He past roughly 3 months after filming “The Dark Knight” which lead others to speculate his role being a reason for his demise. To me, I saw a human being that wanted to do what he loved, but also wanted to be a human being, not an object to gawk at or be chased or bombarded with questions. On top of the pressure, he lost his fiancé a couple years prior. Ledgar past by mixing various pills. You’d think as a 28 year old, you know not to do so. Many ruled it as an accident, but when you really look close, I feel like it wasn’t. It kind of left me in my head yesterday after I finished it. They showed the paramedic rolling out his body in a black bag on a stretcher from his apartment. I was 11 then, so I hadn’t much (or any) knowledge of the mishap or even who he was. Now, seeing things as such (something also similar in the Britney Spears documentary), I have a change of mind & heart on how we see & “praise” celebrities.
