On Staying Grounded pg. II
Healing from borderline personality disorder without therapy
Hello,
I hope you’re having an amazing Wednesday!
Today, I have a few more things I wish to share with you that bring light to my days as I heal.
Let’s dive right in.❤
Journalling for a purpose, with purpose
For a while, most pages of my journal consisted of prompt questions and that I’d closely related to at that point in time; I wrote this way as a means to deeper understand my mind, emotions, and how to cope with/maneuver through disruptions.
It grew tiring because I was always writing to learn more of myself and to keep striving for growth.
One morning, I was so overwhelmed with intense emotions, I just wrote what came to mind without an ounce of hesitation; slowly, then suddenly, I felt a breeze of relief weave by.
Although journal prompts have helped a great deal, I’d realized that certain days, certain situations, and even certain emotions and thoughts require a nuanced way to reach serenity.
For “detoxing” my mind and heart as such, I also organize a page or so in a way as I shared in one of my recent posts: getting through a challenging day.
I’ll make a menial section for a synopsis for what’s swirling through my mind, body, and soul, another section for how I [realistically] want to feel that day, a list of things I can do to achieve these emotions, a section for a repertoire of thoughts to revert back to throughout the day when intrusive thoughts show prominent, and a section for listing ways I could fulfill my needs (satisfaction, pleasure, ad connection) for that day.
Not only does it help put things into a clearer perspective but gives me a guideline to let go and take care of myself while I’m feeling “under the weather.”
Another helpful way of writing I’ve come across [for when I’m overwhelmed] is by simply listing what is prominently on my mind (and writing the thoughts’ “name” next to it if needed — ex: distant, ungrounded, neutral), then writing another list below it with set-in-stone dates that are in my very near future (I try to keep it up to a week out).
I, personally, don’t enjoy the word “brain dump,” so I title these pages, Mind, Heart, and Soul Decompression — it’s just a little more poetic and appealing in my opinion…
Lastly, on days where I can’t even begin to describe what’s going on in my mind, I’ll focus my attention on the day before me by making a list of what I’ve already accomplished for the day (ex: got out of bed, made coffee, currently getting sunlight…), then listing a few things I will do that day, remembering to remain vague (ex: be physically active, rest, be social, eat a healthy meal…).
And finally, to sum up how to go about my day amidst mental hinderances, I write a more detailed list of things I could do that day to check off things on my vague to-do list (ex: go on a 5-minute walk, get sunlight, text my sister, make a smoothie…).
Cycling
One of the things I’ve missed dearly in Europe is cycling.
When I came back home from travelling, I started to realize how much I didn’t like driving — don’t get me wrong, it’s nice for when you really need to get somewhere far or at a set time — but people are so rude, constantly in a rush, and ruthless on the roads…it’s too much.
Though, I don’t currently live in a city where much is in a reasonable distance for cycling to, and the summer heat makes this activity near impossible or as a death wish.
However, with the beautifully cooler spring this year, I was inspired by someone recently to start cycling again just for the fun of it.
I haven’t gone in a week or so due to lack of energy, though when I do go out on a spontaneous ride, I feel enlightenment filling every inch of my body.
On a bike, time slows down…you get to see birds flying to the tree branch next to you, you ride through a random scent of jasmine through the park…I live near a little lake/pond with a fountain in it, and cycling by it, seeing the clouds in the distance atop the endless grassy floor just fills my heart of ceaseless tranquility (and my body of endorphins); it’s a feeling akin to freedom.
Near the lake/pond there’s also a dog park you’re able to ride or walk through the middle of, and if there’s dogs in the play area on either side, they always run alongside me as I breeze by, it’s the cutest thing.
Taking walks with my drink of choice
Taking a walk is nice, though, for some odd and unknown reason, doing so with a coffee, iced tea, juice, cucumber water, or matcha, makes the world seem brighter.
Some mornings, I’ll go get a coffee from somewhere and take it with me on a walk with my dog, Kira — pure fulfillment.
Actually, now that I think of it, I haven’t done this in a while…perhaps an Arnold Palmer and a sunset walk this evening is needed.
Weekly solo dates
Even with a more lenient routine for each day, I can become lost in stale repetition, not only in habits, but thoughts as well.
For about a month or so now, I’ve been taking myself on a date once a week (mostly to get food or coffee) to awaken and refresh my senses, and as a moment to step away from repetition.
It’s given me things to look forward to in the short term, while bringing life, inspiration, and motivation back into my everyday life as well.
Melancholic and piano melodies
By melancholic I don’t mean sad, more so serene.
Most days, I prefer music playing while I shower; embarrassingly enough, sometimes it’s a playlist of songs I enjoy singing.
Though, what really feels almost as a form of therapy itself is listening to something serene, somewhat magical, and soft/smooth toned; it’s as though time begins to slow down, and the warm water is rinsing away your troubles.
As for piano music, I feel as though it brings any environment to life in the most calming manner.
I love listening to piano music on a walk (I highly recommend Peaceful Piano on Spotify) or even in the earliest hours of the sunrise to bring all to life through tranquil symphony.
I also enjoy this playlist while reading or winding down for bed…piano music ambiguous as it is amidst serene, lively, and romantic speaks to the deepest parts of my soul.
Taking more care of one of the basic components of existence: hormones
Something that I’ve struggled with most amidst borderline personality disorder is my emotions, for sadness was never just sadness, more so dying…and anger was never simply anger, more so ravenous rage.
I’m beyond thankful that my emotions have grown to be more stable on middle ground most days…though, I’ve recently noticed a pattern in which they are more eager to pour out…when my hormones lose their balance.
I wish I wasn’t embarrassed to admit this, but these days (when my hormones drop/spike) I will cry and start to relapse a little bit, growing a little angry (thankfully it’s never as profound as it used to), and giving way to intrusive thoughts, worst of all…that I want to give up.
Then after a couple days or so, I slowly come back to myself, and I re-find the ground beneath my feet.
It’s so terrifying how real thoughts feel, even if it’s not your truth.
To be fair, I’ve recently come off birth control, as it was harming my body more than helping, which is a hell in itself to detox out of your system.
This month was the first month that my hormones were supposed to re-gain their conscious, so to speak, and revert back to normal.
And being more aware of how my thoughts are dictated by my emotions and my emotions by my hormones, I knew getting to the roots and taking care of them more gently and consciously was beyond crucial.
I just learned of seed cycling, where you eat certain seeds each week to boost and support your hormones with the right vitamins/minerals within each, which I’ve been having fun trying out…I found so many yummy recipes for treats to make with them!
I’ve recently found a new love for seeds, and an even greater love for seed/grain “crispbread.”
I’ve also done some research into my most unstable hormones and which foods support them…for some reason I may never understand, physical wellness excites me.
Amidst all, I’ve rekindled my love for cooking and baking as well.
Something I hadn’t anticipated of healing is that it’s a process, something you must choose to do every day…
Some days hold more contentment, ease, and hope than others, but with a few additives and changes to my life as these, I’m thankful days of light have remained longer and more often.
