On My Way
I reach out to turn a golden knob clung to a door that’s always been so far away that it often resembled something of the imagined.
The door creeks, opening before me an enlightened path barely visible through a dense fog.
I am here, and for once, starved for what’s to come.
Last summer, I spent wandering, remaining lost (the good kind), and awakening my curious mind.
My final destination was a beautiful Italian city called Genova.
It was, as I do believe in, love at first sight.
When my travels came to a close and the end credits began to roll, I planned to revisit within the next few months thereafter as another attempt to escape from reality and for a moment's breath amidst the chaos and distraction of everyday life.
While my plane ticket and housing awaited me in northern Italy, I took a job at a bakery to spend my time accumulating extra income.
As my departure inched closer, I felt more and more uneasy.
For starters, I wasn’t in the right headspace to be spending my days alone again day in and out.
Alongside that, the woman renting me the flat was also immensely assertive and adamant that I pay her for my two months stay before my arrival, which was an outside request.
As for my job, I was beyond anxious to leave, I filled of irritability and melancholy the entire few months I’d been there.
Everything felt off, as if dozens of “wrong way” signs were flashing in my face.
I felt so alone, I didn’t know what to do; my heart was in Italy, but it was also telling me that it shouldn’t be, and I couldn’t wrap my head around why that could be fact.
My planner has a weekly quote at the top of each righthand page…the week I was supposed to leave for Italy, the quote read, “The right choice will never feel wrong.” — Unknown
I felt as if I had nothing else, so I went with it — I cancelled my flight, my housing, and cried for a few days.
In all honesty, I wasn’t entirely upset because of not leaving a second time, but because I had nothing if I stayed in my hometown…or so I thought at the time.
I had a job that I anticipated staying for only a short time, and a house that never felt like a home…it was as if I did a complete circle and ended up exactly where I’d left off to begin with before any of my travels began.
If you were meant to be somewhere else, you’d be there. — Unknown
I was never one for listening to my heart, or even to myself as a whole being for that matter.
I always analyzed, calculated, and projected, pushed, ignored, and neglected.
I didn’t trust myself, and frankly, didn’t want to because trusting yourself calls for a certain level of letting go and setting your mind free, which was way too vulnerable for me to even consider.
After some time of letting myself adjust to the reality of staying, I felt at peace. I didn’t entirely know why I wasn’t supposed to leave, but it felt as if I made the right choice.
So, I kept accepting what was given to me and going with it, rolling with the punches of confusion and let downs that led to growth along the way.
Fastforward 9–10 months, I handed in my notice for my final days working at the bakery today.
I wasn’t angry or eager, resentful or anxious, I was calm and lighthearted; it felt freeing.
I haven’t a clue where I’m going next, but it felt like the right time.
Your heart will never lie to you, that’s your mind’s job. — Medusa
Tomorrow I will take my first step onto a new path, and inch by inch, the fog will begin to clear itself and I will know, undeniably, where I’m meant to be.
