Humility
Lighter living
Nothing gleams more admirable to me than the courage of humility.
Not simply in others, but myself as well.
On the opposing lies ego, where I oft grow angst-ridden and feel grimy whenever I choose to maneuver my days with such characteristic.
It’s a deep fear of mine to be boastful and arrogant within even greater waters of ego, which, paradoxically, has lead me to be swimming throughout such egotistical sea entirely.
With my desperate attempts to veer any ego, I grew self-absorbed — constantly analyzing myself, sought ways I could grow further away from immodesty, and endlessly scolded myself if I ever showed (or even felt) an ounce of ego — I never allowed myself to simply be.
I read something recently that stated the ego desires connection; it craves attachment to a specific adjective. — Unknown
I was blinded by the fact that my own ego was still guiding me, as I eagerly strove for the mere adjective of its opposite.
And since I hungrily focused my attention to achieving humility, my subconscious would simultaneously give me reasons as to why I do not obtain this characteristic to begin; it was a vicious cycle in which I lost myself (and sense of reality) entirely.
The inception of desire.
What first sparked my great fear of pride and ego was questioning if I deserved anything that I currently obtained or what may become (whether grand or adverse).
I’d constantly be in a mental battle of I don’t deserve this because x, y, z or I do deserve this because of this, that, and the other.
Whichever was in the forefront of my mind, the core always pointed to me.
And then I realized what was of more importance: what I did with what I had to begin.
When faced with a blessing, I’d lose myself in self-depreciation or excessive self-importance, neglecting gratitude all together.
And when faced with adversary, I’d neglect a chance at innovation against such state of lost as well.
Whether on a light side of the spectrum or more weighted side, I neglected humility with both.
I grew exhausted of the constant noise, so I began adverting my focus elsewhere aside from (and outside of) myself.
It was only when I truly allowed myself to be free that I was able to understand what humility meant: being humble in life and your humanness (and all the nuances that come with it), simply doing things from the heart for all the right reasons.
Things that Feed Your Soul (Not Your Ego):
- Sharing joy you’ve obtained with others, giving what and when you can
- Making the best of an unfavorable situation, seeking growth
- Being happy for others when they come across joyous moments, believing your time will also come
- Living horizontally, understanding that you are not above anything nor anyone
- Knowing and being transparent about your weaknesses
- Being open to learning from others, knowing that there’s always more than one way to see/do something
- Admitting your wrongs and apologizing if necessary
- Accepting and working with your imperfections
- Being open to vulnerability regardless of the outcome that may follow
- Knowing what’s worth being valued
- Being open to criticism and having the ability to ask yourself where was I wrong?
- Being open to listening to various perspectives/opinions
- Being appreciative without comparing
- Taking yourself less seriously
- Uplifting others
- Seeing the best in self/others
- Seeking to understand own and others’ mistakes
- Seeking curiosity over judgement
- Seeking solutions over blame
- Embracing differences
Being human is to be a multitude of things, and living in this messy thing we call life brings its own abundance of nuances (whether favorable or not).
And I find that it’s only when we are truly able to embrace each and every one, remorselessly and with welcoming arms, will we find humility.
