picking out the right seeds: hope
ii: getting on with living
Even though my illness (borderline personality disorder) was more prominent a couple years ago, I often miss the woman I was then (aside from the being mentally unstable aspect, of course!)
Between then and recent time, I feel as if my ambition, passion, and naive grandiose belief in life has been slowly leaving my heart.
However, I don’t feel as though I’ve lost this spark of life as I’ve shaken bpd’s own grip from my heart, but more so over time amidst constant disappointment intertwined with the feeling of being trapped by my own life.
You can get on with living or you can get on with dying.
— Andy Dufresne
I recently (and finally) got around to watching this uplifting movie, The Shawshank Redemption that put a small spark back into my long-dimmed heart once more.
Andy spoke this as what I believe is ambiguously related to
Hope gives us another day.
— Unkown
Though, being exhausted of all hope and motivation for striving any longer for anything other than what was in my immediate grasp lately, the latter emitted to me as distasteful.
However, at the closing of this movie, one of the other main characters, “Red” (a newly friend of Andy’s, and who’d recently been released from prison), portrayed getting on with living by speaking, I hope…alongside his every current action.
Red spoke, I hope I can get across the border…as he bought a train ticket to make his way to Mexico.
He spoke, I hope I can see my friend…as he sought Andy’s place of leisure.
I hope, I hope, I hope…
Something I’d forgotten until this moment in the movie is that hope is lifeless without action.
And hope without any action available to take (perhaps because what you hope for is out of your control, or something else) becomes a mere expectation…a flame in which getting burned is almost always certain to occur.
attending my garden, a series
