pulling the weeds: resentment
i. finding closure without an apology
I’ve asked nature to help me find forgiveness for the weights that I can’t seem to shake on my own…as it’s brought stillness and lightness to my heart for the very things I could not comprehend.
An open letter
I wish you knew how enlightened I was then when I realized that you came for me after what I’d told you, and even after how.
I wish you knew how terrified I was and the angst that kept me from acting on my joy.
In that moment, I didn’t care about anything — not the hurtful things you’ve said…or the things you didn’t say — I just wanted you with me, and to have the comfort in my heart knowing what I thought I knew in the moment you first came up to me in my distant solitude and questioned me of my emerald ring, placed on my wedding ring finger was true…it was meant to be.
I now find comfort and closure knowing that it was best that the universe kept us apart that night with anxiety and pride filling the space between us — I was very sick…masked in denial.
And I don’t doubt for a second that I would’ve completely torn your heart to shreds down the line, and my own in the process, were the winds filled of rekindling instead.
I don’t think there will ever be a day in my life that I will stop caring about you — out of all the people I’ve hurt in my life amidst a hurting of my own, I’m glad it was you who was delivered from my ruthlessly self-destructive ways.
attending my garden, a series
